I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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