I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
