just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
