wrigley field is MILF paradise
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
