Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
