Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
