that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize