when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
