Barsexuality is the new black.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
