After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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