I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
