I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
