How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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