3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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