just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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