What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
