you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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