I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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