Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
