I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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