you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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