if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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