dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
