Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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