I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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