The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize