you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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