nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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