You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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