you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
