96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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