i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
