Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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