i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
