just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
