i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sober January is a disaster.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
