Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
