So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
