I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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