thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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