i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
