i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
