He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
