Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
