I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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