I just pynch a tree in the face
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
