that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
