I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
