haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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