The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize