it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
