it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
