I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
