Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
