btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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