she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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