It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize