im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
either way he was missing a nipple.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
