Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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