ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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