sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
