don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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