mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please don't give away my fajitas
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
