she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
