just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize