Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
