are you so shy because you have an std?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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