3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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