I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
