How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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