If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
