I just pynch a tree in the face
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
