I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
