I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
