I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
