So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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