For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize