Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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