He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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