Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
