If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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