like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
