I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
