I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
