they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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