you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
