so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
