i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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