I wanna bring you to show and tell
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
