According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A+ Viking dick
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
