I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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