This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
