If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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