You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You are a genius and a whore.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
