its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As shirtless as possible
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize