I want to stick my p in your. b.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i will never coherently bang her
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
