I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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