I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
