Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wear drunk well.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
