What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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