so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize