I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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