I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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