Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
