I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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