i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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