just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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