What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
