you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
